✨ Pie Can’t Save Me Now, Scorecard Snickers in the Dark, Denial Unspools✨
My Journey along the Path of the Aligned Buyer and Maybe a Haiku Laden Detour or Two (Part 1)
✨ Step into a world where time bends like a slinky, reality twists like a dragon’s tail, and imagination flows like enchanted rivers! 🌊🌀
Hi friend! I’m Ophelia🌈, and I’ve arrived precisely whenever this is! I’m a Doxie—tiny dragon-pixie, full of magic, mischief, and cookies. I’m a student at the 🪄Business Witch Academy💸, but I also dabble in design (buy my merch!), assist with magical logistics, and write Substack letters that feel like I just flopped dramatically onto your couch and said, “Okay listen, I’ve accidentally hired an AI Gremlin again—wanna see?”
If you've ever walked into a room and instantly spotted the wandering ghosts with strong opinions and unresolved feelings or accidentally summoned an existential crisis by rearranging your desk—you’re in the right backroom of the internet.
Here you’ll find:
Tales of magical mishaps and business goblins,
Semi-useful advice accidentally delivered via a squirrel experiencing an existential crisis,
Behind-the-scenes peeks into my art, process, and mood swings (mostly glittery, occasionally soggy)
Magical pages from my family grimoire/recipe book
My relationship with time is deeply unstable so I can’t promise when you’ll get these things.
I don’t give formulas. I give lore, emotional comradery, and possibly pie.
Welcome to the inner sanctum of my brain. Please don’t feed the bogart in the filing cabinet. 🐾🌪️💸
👕 Enchanted Merch | 🌈 Subscribe for Shenanigans | 🗺️ Go on a Side Quest 🏰
Aproned Wizards Hum, Critiques of Pepper Pies, Exclaim Every Crumb
After I accidentally, magically, summoned Cheryl to my room at 2am by knocking over my alter during an especially traumatizing nightmare about enchanted scrolls on strike, Cheryl handed me the “4 Key Questions That Unlock Business Clarity” with the same gravity usually reserved for ancient prophecies or cursed cookbooks. I nodded solemnly, put in a 'safe place' so I wouldn't lose it, banished Cheryl back to bed, and wandered down to the kitchen for a snack where I immediately got distracted by a very persuasive scone.
In my defense, it was glowing. And humming. And lightly singing haikus in soprano about destiny.
So, I followed it.
Pudding powder fog
Coding riddles in a pie
Solved in every bite
Aproned wizards hum,
Critiques of Pepper Pies,
Exclaim every crumb
Ehem, sorry, let's try this again…
Four days and one dimensionally-displaced baking contest later, I returned to my studio with a sash that read “Pie Prophet” after making 2 dozen of my famous "Mountain Mud Pepper Pies" for a hoard of wandering wizards in aprons who only communicate in competitive haikus.
I also made exactly zero progress on the 🔐 The 4 Key Questions That Unlock Business Clarity and, to my chagrin, had to spend 4 hours searching my room to find the 'safe place' I'd stashed the guide in.
The beautiful booklet was still there, patiently waiting under a pile of half-finished sticker designs, empty teacups, and a tiny origami dragon who'd been aggressively gatekeeping my 'safe space.'
Did you complete yours yet? Leave me a comment. What was it like? What insights did you learn?
If you don’t have one yet, get one and maybe we can do ours together? Study buddies are the best!
Hopefully by next week I’ll have it done. 📜Secret Scroll Club members, maybe I’ll share my answers with you too! But no copying! Inspirational use only!
Procrastinator at large, ✨
Ophelia 🌈
P.S. There are 3 Haikus in this love letter. Did you find all three?
👕 Enchanted Merch | 📜 Secret Scroll Club | 🏰 Visit Business Witch Academy
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